3/12/2012-Do it for the kids?

So I'm totally stuck on my relationship subject and I just need to let it all out. I must warn you it is going to be raw and uninhibited.

The question I ask myself everyday is, "Am i just doing this for the kids?". It has come to the point in our relationship that it is now just business basically. The business of taking care of the children on my end and him going to work and supplying the income for rent,groceries and bills. I asked him one day,"Can you remember the last time you just felt like giving me a hug just to give me a hug?". His response was, "No I can't. Your not very inviting most of the time."

I feel like we have fallen out of love with each other. Once we had the kids it all changed. I love my kids and I wouldn't change a moment in time. But once we had the kids the romance flew out the door and was replaced with constant bickering,snide comments and vying of disiplinary control and who's way of thinking is better or more logical. It's everyday!

He thinks that moving away from my family would make him happier. But being next to my family is what makes me happy. The question is,"where do you make the compromise?".

03/12/2012- History of us

Ben and I have been together for 4 years now. Our relationship was built on common interests and drinking ourselves silly,frequenting our favorite restaurants and bars and enjoying each others company. We met and within 3 months I got pregnant with our daughter Amaya. We moved from California to Santa Fe,New Mexico. I hated it there because it was the first time I had ever moved to another state, I didn't have my license because of a DUI I got when I was 20 and I missed my family. We stayed there for 3 years. In that period of time I had Dylan when Amaya was only 6 months old. I developed an extremely terrible case of post partum depression and we finally moved back to California this year. Ben hates it here.

He hates it here so much, that we literally have fought more times this year than we have gotten along. It has been a bumpy road and it just seems to get bumpier. There is a lot of resentment built up between the both of us.

We are stuck in this permanent argument of who does more. I'm so tired of fighting.We don't yell at each other but we just don't speak to each other either which I think is more unhealthy.

I recently got on anti-anxiety medicine because he gives me anxiety. I don't enjoy going places with him and to be perfectly honest I don't like to spend time with him anymore because he is so negative.

My question is,"How do we work this out?"

03/12/2012-J-E-L-L-O

I am a stay at home mom as I probably have stated more times than you can count in less than 2 blogs already. I have no problem with the title. I also have no problem with the "job" itself or the responsibility of what the stay at home mom is supposed to do. I have 2 toddlers that are not your average little doll faces. It takes a lot of work to keep them loved,satisfied,occupied,fed,changed,bathed.etc. The list can go on and on. But when you have a chef fiance that is obsessed with having food made every night it gets a little trying after a while. I make sure my kids eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. No matter if its just simple mac and cheese with a side of steamed broccoli and a cup of apple juice for lunch and chicken tenders with french fries for dinner.

That's what my mom fed me and I turned out just fine.

My relationship is falling apart before my very eyes not solely because of food but in my psyche of annoyances because of food. He would rather me make jello from scratch than by the darn already made packs, I sound silly I know.

Call me a spoiled American but I have no problem making it. Its just that when the husbands,boyfriends,fiances give the kids a kiss good bye and head off for there long day of work they don't see the chaos and mayhem that ensues behind the scenes.

It would just be easier if you bought good ole' J-E-L-L-O. It would make my stay at home motherhood just a teeny teeny bit easier.

So my question is, "Do you think that your husband has any sort of grasp on what it is like to be home 24 hours a day with the kids?, and if so do you think they will ever understand?"

Introduction to the stay at home mom

Hi!My name is Monica. I am a 25 year old stay at home mom with a 3 year old daughter named Amaya and an almost 2 year old son named Dylan. As you can probably already see from the title of my blog they are 14 months apart.

My blog is basically going to chronicle my journey through motherhood, a trying relationship and all the great times and tough times that I experience with raising two unique and loving toddlers that are 14 months apart.

I must warn you though, I am using my blog as my psychiatrist, couples counseling session and a diary all rolled into one heaping mess of memories and a forum to say how I really feel, without the cost of hiring a professional to help me figure out this crazy (but wouldn't trade it for the world)kind of life.